What does ESPN, the long-standing king of American sports, even stand for anymore?

Well, we all know the “S” is for Stephen A. He’s everywhere. And too loud to ignore.

It was funny when Stephen A. Smith was the little voice in your stomach peddling beef jerky. But when he drops hints that he would make a damn good president of the United States? Shark-jumping has become a daily staple of the network’s sports offerings.

The “P” is for Pat. As in McAfee. Annual pay of $30 million to be the social chairman of bruh TV is nice work, if you can get it. But when you pay quarterback Aaron Rodgers to be your friend, is being a bad dude really authentic?

The sports network that was once cooler than the other side of Stuart “Boo-yah!” Scott’s pillow and more goofy good fun than Chris Berman’s nicknames or my friend Woody Paige’s chalkboard has become a vanity project for Smith and McAfee.

Well, that brings me to what the “E” in the four-letter network stands for:

Eww.

The games on ESPN are still great.

But who watches the rest of this stuff?

Not me. And apparently, a lot fewer of you than was the case only a few years ago, with a peak of 100 million household subscribers slashed almost in half to approximately 55 million.

As the cost of rights fees for the football and basketball contests fans actually want to see shoots through the roof, ESPN continues to push legit reporters out the door, with Smith and McAfee paid big bucks to shout: Nothing to see here!

Ain’t that the truth.

You tell me, dear sports consumer: How often is ESPN really worth watching?

My, how the onetime king of American sports has fallen.

But nothing lasts forever. I’m so old, I remember when being on the cover of Sports Illustrated was a big deal.

ESPN has slowly become about too many competing political agendas and not enough insightful sports analysis.

The lives of fans who actually buy tickets and attend games in person don’t matter as much as what time of the morning, afternoon or night ESPN has an opening on its broadcasting schedule.

And certainly the shameless shilling the talking heads did for the inclusion of an undeserving Alabama team in last season’s College Football Playoff field had absolutely nothing to do with the SEC Network being fully owned and operated by ESPN, right?

Now this is nothing more than idle speculation on my part. But as somebody who has dallied in sports journalism for over 40 years, I know how the sausage is made.

ESPN’s coverage of our own Peyton Watson, the 23-year-old Nugget wing living the great American dream of trying to get himself overpaid, sometimes smells like a not-so-veiled attempt to do the bidding for Watson’s influential representation at Klutch Sports.

Watson probably did himself no favors with Nuggets management by never making an effort to return from a hamstring injury as his teammates fell to Minnesota in the second round of the playoffs. Negotiations have become so protracted and prolonged that the soap opera nature of this saga seems to have poisoned the relationship between P-Wat and the team.

While ESPN has pushed real pros like anchor Karl Ravech and football reporter Tom Pelissero out the door, the network keeps doubling down on the idea that what we crave from Smith and McAfee is more, more, more.

E is for eww.

S is for Stephen.

P is for Pat.

And the N? What does it stand for?

Nonsense.

Count me out. I’ve cut the cord.