It’s as tough as it sounds to welcome an unknown child into your home and provide life’s necessities, offer love during a 3 a.m. nightmare, be the chauffeur to therapy sessions and then relinquish the relationship as the child returns to the parental home.

The loss leads to grief and sorrow for the adults and the kids, said Marissa and TJ Neathery, who recently had that kind of experience in their first stint as foster parents.

“There’s so much control you have to let go of in the system,” TJ said.

“It’s hard for everyone, but mostly for the kids,” Marissa said.

The boy, whom the Neatherys accepted with open hearts and minds and refer to as their little buddy, arrived at age 8, already traumatized to the point of not being able to speak coherently 80% of the time and often emotionally shut down and acting out.

When he left 10 months later to return to living with his mom, the boy, whose name remains private, was 95% understandable when communicating, had been introduced to hiking and befriended the Neatherys’ standard poodles.

“When he was packing up on the last day, he got sad, his stomach hurt, he desperately wanted to connect, but it was hard for him to share his feelings,” Marissa said. “He said, ‘Goodbye house, goodbye dogs. I’m going to miss you.’”

As much as foster care is a last resort for Child Protective Services, reunifying uprooted children with their original families is the system’s top priority, officials say. Colorado is improving both the odds and the numbers.

Of the 2,736 children in foster care statewide last year, 1,409 kids — or 51% — went back home to their original families, according to data. That’s a large jump from the 38% of foster children statewide who achieved a homecoming in 2022.

Improvement also has been realized locally.

In El Paso County, 335 children reunified with at least one parent last year, according to the El Paso County Department of Human Services. That’s up from 288 reunifications in 2023.

“Whenever it can be done safely, keeping families together and children reunifying with their parents is always the preferred outcome,” said Catania Jones, director of children, youth and family services at the local DHS office.

It’s less traumatic and provides more of a chance of a child recovering from a rough start, experts say.

What helped Marissa and TJ get through the separation was knowing that it’s not a bad thing, Marissa said. “It’s a good thing because it means we did our job well.”

The American Bar Association recognizes June nationally as Family Reunification Month to honor parents who regain custody of their children after ensuring their home is a safe place for them to resume nurturing them.

The temporary foster caregivers are also lauded, and there’s a focus on how household involvement with Child Protective Services can be avoided through community support programs such as respite care.

This year, the state is taking a bow for last year’s high reunifications. A celebratory event that several offices of the Colorado Department of Human Services hosted earlier this month in Denver marked the accomplishment.

Last year signified the first time that more than half the kids in Colorado’s government-run child welfare system exited back to their homes.

Nationally, 45% of the 176,730 children who left foster care in fiscal year 2024 were reunified with their families, according to the National Council for Adoption.

Jones believes the increase “reflects the hard work of families, caseworkers and community partners,” and while other kids remain living outside of their homes of origin, “the aim is to continue to honor a safe and together approach.”

The success represents a team effort, professionals say. There’s a vast network of assistance including counseling, school and education plans, home coordination, various therapies such as developmental, extracurricular activities like summer camp and athletics, playtime and other aspects of daily routines.

Interdisciplinary legal teams that identify long-term solutions for displaced children have also helped boost family reunification, said Christy Van Gaasbeek, training director and staff attorney at the Colorado Office of Respondent Parents’ Counsel, which represents low-income parents in dependency and neglect court cases.

The model has led to a 22% increase in reunification for families with interdisciplinary representation, according to her office, which formed a decade ago.

“There’s a perception that when families get into the system it’s because of egregious abuse. But 80% of families get involved based on neglect, which a lot of times what that would look like is poverty,” she said.

Along with neglect, which can mean leaving young children home alone or not providing necessities for children to thrive, parental substance abuse or other mental health problems and sexual, physical or emotional abuse also are reasons the state removes minors from their homes.

Under a court-mandated treatment plan, parents work on resolving their personal issues with therapy and coaching, while having supervised visits with their kids and demonstrating progression toward goals, Van Gaasbeek said. “If we can support these families and get the basic things they need, kids are better off with them.”

Hard work is required for families to reunite, she said.

“We see a lot of tragedy in these cases,” Van Gaasbeek said. “Safety of the child is the top concern.”

Cases of relapse do occur.

About 16% of children reunited with their parents in 2025 reentered the child welfare system within a year, a rate that held steady from 2024. It was 17% in 2023, according to the Colorado Department of Human Services.

Allegations in Colorado	2023	2024	2025
Physical Abuse	9,545	9,415	9,383
Neglect	38,160	35,769	34,677
Medical Neglect	1,041	1,163	1,150
Sexual Abuse	3,396	3,280	3,142
Sex Trafficking	92	119	132
Emotional Abuse	1,451	1,555	1,730
Labor Trafficking	14	8	7

State legislative changes also have contributed to more reunifications, said Hilary Bridges, a therapist at Kids Crossing, one of 16 agencies that the local DHS office contracts with for foster care services.

She cites as key factors lawmakers’ approval of more funding for prevention and clear direction for reunification under the Families First Prevention Services Act of 2020.

State lawmakers also passed two kinship care bills in 2023 and 2024 that simplify the process for relatives or trusted family friends to temporarily care for displaced children.

“We’ve seen those have a huge impact,” Bridges said. “We’ve seen the kinship part of our agency explode in growth, especially in El Paso County, that’s allowing for children to go live with aunts, uncles, grandma, grandpa, maybe a close friend rather than foster placement, which is strangers. This allows kids to stay connected to their families, schools and culture, which is a good thing.”

In addition to its Colorado Springs location, Kids Crossing has offices in Denver, Pueblo and La Junta, which collectively license 145 foster and kinship homes.

The Neatherys, who have been married for five years, have been licensed as foster parents through Kids Crossing for just over a year.

“It’s something I wanted to do because there are kids out there that need a safe place to land,” said Marissa, who has worked with children in foster care as a music therapist.

When people find out the Neatherys are foster parents, they often say, “Oh, I could never (do that).”

“My response is, ‘It is hard, but there’s so much you can do to help kids in the system,’” Marissa said.

Volunteers are needed in other roles, such as providing food, clothing or financial donations to benefit foster families or becoming a court-appointed special advocate, a third-party adult who walks alongside children involved in court hearings.

“Foster care is not for the able, it’s for the willing,” Marissa said. “You’re never going to be truly equipped.”

“You’re never going to be able to do all of it,” TJ said.

But they know that doing something always makes a difference. They’ve seen their little buddy since he left their house and went back to his mom’s house. From what they can tell, he seems to be doing all right.