Dear Donna,

I recently started dating a man who I was excited about getting to know better. However, on our third date, he surprised me by pulling out a vape pen and taking a couple of hits. He explained that he quit drinking alcohol a few months ago and the vape pen contained a form of marijuana. He thinks he is better off getting a buzz this way.

I’m in my 50s and, although aware of these pens, never expected to be on a date with someone who used one. I also felt uncomfortable that he did it after dinner in the middle of the restaurant. As he was driving me home, I kept thinking that my life was in the hands of someone who was “stoned.”

I told him the whole vaping thing was out of my comfort zone, and he apologized and said that he would not do it again in my presence. I really like him otherwise, but I am having a hard time putting this in perspective. – Linda

Dear Linda,

Many would make the argument that vaping marijuana is better than drinking alcohol. Would you have felt unsafe if he was driving you home after a couple of glasses of wine? If you like him otherwise and he has agreed not to vape when he is with you, I encourage you to see him at least once more and have a conversation about vaping. Maybe he is trading one addiction for another or maybe this is something he is experimenting with and easily could live without. The fact that he felt comfortable doing it without discussing it with you indicates that he thought it was no big deal. If it is a big deal for you, this could be a show-stopper – but it’s worth a conversation.

Dear Donna,

My brother is dating a lady who constantly is asking him for money. He is a great guy and very generous to everyone, but I think she is taking advantage of him. I have talked to him about it, but he says he is happy to help and he enjoys her company. How can I get him to see this situation for what it is and quit wasting his time and money on a gold digger? – Scott

Dear Scott,

Your brother has told you that he is happy to do it and he enjoys her company. You have expressed your opinion and now you should mind your own business. It’s his money and his time, and it’s your opinion that she is a gold digger.

–

Shugrue owns Perfectly Matched. Her column runs biweekly in Home and Family. Visit perfectlymatcheddating.com or email questions to donnashugrue@comcast.net.